Doing Better

Today will be different. Today I will be present. Today, anyone I speak to, I will look them in the eye and listen deeply . . . Today I will take pride in my appearance. I’ll shower, get dressed in proper clothes, and change into yoga clothes only for yoga, which I will actually attend.Today I won’t swear. I won’t talk about money. Today there will be an ease about me. My face will be relaxed, its resting place a smile. Today I will radiate calm. Kindness and self-control will abound. Today I will buy local. Today I will be my best self, the person I’m capable of being. Today will be different. — Maria Semple, Today Will Be Different

This is the refrain I subconsciously think every morning. The words might vary somewhat, but the essence is the same–today I will do better. Today I will do better at managing all of my perceived faults and shortcomings, especially those that were markedly pronounced yesterday.

Some days, I truly do. Some days I epically fail. Some days, I draw so inside myself that I am neither better nor worse.

Like my blog title says, my life is an untitled project. I don’t know where anything is going. I don’t really even have a plan. So much is up to the decisions of others. I can write and submit all the pieces I want, but it’s up to editors and publishers to do anything with them. I can advertise and network all I want, but it’s up to clients to retain me for legal services.

My last post was about my first day working at home, alone. I have survived thus far. Though what exactly does that mean? I don’t know. The process of setting up a home office and starting a business has involved massive amounts of running errands and making phone calls. I’ve done all of those things; now I wait for the phone to ring.

You’d think this surplus of time would be devoted to writing, that my blog would be a hoppin’ place. Somewhat. Last week wound up being a five-day weekend because of the 4th and then Steve had days off work from being on call the weekend before. I wrote those days. I began a short story that I am very happy with. I still need to finish. Yet some days it is hard for me to treat writing as a job too. I am getting paid a small amount from my law practice right now; I am not getting paid from my writing. Therefore, during the 9-5, I feel like my time should be spent on the job paying the bills. Then the eternal question of what there is to do rears its ugly head.

Am I doing better at all of this than I was two weeks ago? Perhaps. But each day involves a mental calculation of how I can do better than I did the day before, both personally and professionally.

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